Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Yeah I'm gonna talk about it...TINDER.

Well. Today I am here to talk about a subject that almost everyone knows about, but no one wants to admit to.  The latest fad in online dating is a thing called TINDER, yes TINDER.  I'm here to say, yeah I have one and NO I am not ashamed of it.  Neither should you if you're like 90% of people my age and have one or have had had one at one time.  If you never have because you're against online dating, let me tell you, YOU'RE MISSING OUT because of pure entertainment purposes. It's pretty well known that Tinder is not necessarily popular for producing long-term relationships.  If you've been living under a rock, Tinder is an app for smartphones on which you presented profiles on individuals who also have a Tinder in your area, or within a determined mile radius of you.  Your profile is attached to your Facebook without giving very much of your personal information.  It gives your first name, your age according to Facebook and a few pictures.  You can also include a bio with a little about yourself.  If you like someone's profile you can swipe right OR hit the hear button.  If you don't you can swipe left or hit the X button and say bye bye forever,  If you so happen to luckily hit a heart on someone's profile who also hit a heart or swiped right on yours, congratulations you have a match! Then you are free to chat with each other and what not.  From my personal experience, yes I have met some people in real life from Tinder.  Some weren't too bad of people, some don't last past the first date, and I've also chatted with some weirdos before.  But now to get down to what this is really about, fellas, regardless of what you're after on there I feel like there are definitely some do's and don'ts to a Tinder profile.  I'm here to give you some of my favorite don'ts that I have experienced either first hand or through the person who had me download it in the first place my old roommate and one of my best friends.  For her protection she will not be named. :) So here are the top 10 things that give me the nerve to automatically swipe left on a profile:

1.) The Sneaky Boxer/Underwear
This is probably my favorite hence why it's number one.  A lot of you probably don't realize it's happened to you but it's quite common.  Say you match with a stranger and you begin chatting and the conversation goes something like this...
Strange Tinderfella: Hey what's up?
You: Not much just relaxing at home, how about you?
Strange Tinderfella:  Just laying in bed, in my boxers...
ALRIGHT hold it right there "tinderfella." What exactly was the need to throw in the little "in my boxers" detail? Because unlike men, women can pick up on subtle hints.  But we like to play dumb because we hope you'll drop it.  Let me tell you, if this is some smooth move for me to acknowledge that you're half naked let me say...IT DOESN'T WORK. I honestly couldn't care less what're you're currently wearing.  And even if I did I'm not giving into your little games.  You think you're sneaky but you're not.

2.) The Fake Conversation
This one is almost just as bad, maybe worse.  This one I find almost degrading. This is the fine guy who holds conversation for a little bit.  Maybe not the best conversationalist but he doesn't let it die.  Then, out of nowhere, BAM, he hits you with something inappropriate and you feel like you just got whiplash.  And then you just get that draining feeling like, NOOO THIS WAS GOING SO WELL AND YOU RUINED IT.  Let me tell you, tinderfella, I get it if you just want someone to get down to business with.  However, if that's your purpose, I would much rather you tell me that up front or be inappropriate up front.  That way I can swiftly ignore you and move on.

3.) The Hypocrite
This profile bio goes something like this..."God is number one in my life....but I'm only looking for a hook up."  *eye roll emoji*  Are you joking right now?  I get it that abstinence isn't for everyone.  I get it that everyone sins.  But really? How are you going to act like you're high and mighty and then be looking for a hook up? Just no. Swipe left. Because you clearly do need more Jesus in your life.

4.) Mister Selfie
Okay, so maybe this is just a personal preference.  But I hate this double standard.  I can't tell you how many times guys say "girls who take a million selfies are so unattractive." If it's not okay for a girl, why is it okay for you? Nothing screams swipe left more to me than I'm obsessed with myself. I don't care about the tattoo under you left bicep, if I like you enough I'm sure I'll see it eventually.  The only time a male selfie, to me is acceptable is if your sweet adorable dog is involved or there's a kid in your picture, whether its yours or not.

5.) The Babe Magnet
This is a favorite among college guys.  Because for some odd reason they seem to think that if it looks like I am constantly surrounded by girls, maybe it'll seem more attractive.  GIRLS DO NOT LIKE COMPETITION.  To me, if every picture is of you surrounded by a bunch of other girls you're either friend-zoned all the time or a man whore.  If you got that many girls in real life, you wouldn't need Tinder. Bye.

All right, I am sure this one is going to be taken the wrong way.  And I am sure this is a personal preference. I know how important fitness is and I work out regularly.  I get if it's your passion.  I especially get it if you're a personal trainer and that's your job.  But it is blatantly obvious when you're only using your fitness "passion" as a way to score with the ladies.  If EVERY SINGLE picture of yours is in a gym mirror, swipe left.  Please for the love of all that is holy tell me you have a life other than looking at yourself in the mirror at the free weights.  Yeah I like to work out, but NO I WON'T BE YOUR SWOLEMATE.  If you can sit on the couch with me on Friday nights with a pizza and some light beer, then okay we can talk.

7.) Car Pictures
Sometimes you come across a profile and you know, there's just a car there.  So you keep scrolling.  But then there's another picture of the car, but it's a front view.  And then another, and then another until there are no pictures left.  What the? Did I just find a transformer on Tinder? Because if not you obviously feel the need to compensate for something with your 5 pictures of you shined up 2005 civic.  Go on somewhere else with that, like a car show.

8.) The Social Media Advertiser
This guy is the one where you read his bio and at the end he lists his IG, Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter handle.  I mean do you have a brain orrrr??? What a great way to get stalkers and crazy girls.  Yeah let us just not match or anything so I can still awkwardly stalk your life and like pictures from 2 years ago. There's a reason there is a little anonymity to this.

9.) "Swiping in a city near you!"
So Tinder has this new feature where you can put the location in which you're swiping, like city wise. Stupid idea.  But what I hate the most is the guys who say "I'm originally from [insert random city/state] but I'm just in [insert random city/state] for the night, who wants to have fun?!" What do you think you are? A comedy special? A one night concert event? NO. Literally, GET OUT OF TOWN.  You probably get zero fun times with that one.

10.) The Party Boy
I get it, Tinder is used a lot by college kids.  College kids like to party.  I know, I was one once.  However, I am now 24 and more than likely if you're on my Tinder feed you're close to my age.  I do not want to attend house parties 3 nights a week with you.  So if every picture is of you is at a party with your bros, or an obviously drunken funny photo of you, swipe left.  Your pictures should probably tell me you have interests outside of getting belligerent with your bros on Nati Lite.  We're adults now.

DISCLAIMER -- So obviously, I'm not a love doctor or any love expert.  This was just meant purely for entertainment purposes.  It should be funny, so laugh. HA HA. Or don't.  But really, just do you and be yourself.  Unless you're a jerk.  Then do us all a favor and don't. Please.  But do whatever you want with your profile and conversate however you see fit.  Thanks for readin! Love y'all, to God be the glory!

"You make me brave, You call me out beyond the shore into the wave." --Crossroads original song

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Relationships. Boy oh boy.

Wow, so it's been awhile since I've posted but my life has been pretty crazy.  This time I wanna talk about something that most girls my age struggle with, relationships and dating.  Yes, I am about to get my Carrie Bradshaw on.  Twenty somethings enter an awkward stage of life, I would say throughout your entire twenties.  We are constantly seeing more and more of our friends get married, get engaged, have babies.  A lot of people are quick to jump on the, oh poor me bandwagon.  Some of us come to resent people because of their happiness.  And all these emotions are completely understandable.  However, what I've come to learn over the last couple months is NEVER SETTLE.

This post can go for both guys and girls.  I'm definitely not here to man bash but I definitely think females react more strongly to seeing their friends settle down.  Not saying guys don't, because if they do they definitely are less vocal about it whether it be on the computer screen or behind it.  

I think a lot of us struggle with what we really truly want.  We're constantly in this battle between I want to find the man of my dreams and I enjoy being single.  This is something I have really been struggling with but I've been struggling with what I want out of a relationship.  As most of you know I had been sort of dating someone for almost a year, and as of now we have decided to break things off.  This person was not a bad guy in any sense at all, however, I wanted a serious relationship and he did not.  So we were mature adults about it and went our separate ways. Now if you know me typically I would be an absolute wreck and probably do things that would make some people question my sanity....okay maybe I'm not that bad but I'm usually someone who doesn't like to give up on things.  But I have been strangely at peace about this and it has me thinking about how much I have changed and how much I've learned.  So to get my point across I want people to remember a few things as we go through this strange dating phase:

1. First and foremost like I said don't settle.
Sure, the person you're dating now may be good to you and you may really like them.  Or you may not think you can do any better and you stay with them regardless of how they treat you. Here is my advice, don't.  Don't stay.  Don't lower your standards for anyone and for any reason.  The minute I decided that I wasn't going to make exceptions for people I was so much happier with my decisions and myself.  You should always be with someone who treats you the way you deserve.

2. Don't ever regret dating someone.
This is something that I say about a lot of things besides just dating.  I love the saying everything and anyone that comes into your life is a lesson or a blessing.  I truly believe that, even the no good rotten guys.  You can learn a lesson from that guy that cheated on you for the longest time, you start to figure out what you will and won't put up with.  Self-discovery is what your twenties are all about and those dating mistakes/accomplishments teach you more about yourself than you realize.  My best advice is to take a step back and look at things in hindsight.  It's amazing how many things you will look back on and realized how ridiculous or crazy they were.

3. Try not to build up a wall.
This is probably the hardest for some people.  I know that I am not guilty of this, I have a pretty open heart and I've never been afraid to let someone in and love with all I have.  But some of my best friends are people I've seen struggle with this.  It's hard to not be afraid to get hurt again but that is part of the very essence of being with someone.  You are vulnerable with them and its hard to trust someone with that vulnerability.  I always tell people, "nothing will ever work out until you meet the person you are going to be with the rest of your life."  Think about how much truth is in that statement.  If you are not willing to ever take that risk then how will you ever find that person of your dreams? Don't be afraid to fall, as cliche as that sounds.  If you fall, either the right person will be there to catch you or you'll fall and get some bruises.  But then you get back up and get back in the saddle.  

4. Have faith.
Regardless of what you believe in, faith is something that is definitely needed when concerning relationships/dating.  Whether you believe in Karma, are Christian, are Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc.  If you think about it every way of life agrees that timing when it comes to relationships is key.  So for example, I'll speak from experience.  As a Christ Follower, I believe that God has someone special and perfect for me and that I trust in his timing.  I believe in the saying, "dance with God and he will let he perfect man cut in."  I have realized more and more how important it is that I have someone who aligns somewhat in my beliefs on this.  I want my relationship with God to grow because I'm with someone, not someone who is going to draw me away from that.  Having faith is so important for me to find someone like that.  Now I'm not saying you can't be with someone of a different faith BUT it is important that that someone is supportive of your beliefs even if they are different.  Don't let some compromise your faith because they aren't supportive.

5. Be STRONG and be BRAVE
Relationships call us to do things that seem scary.  That's where bravery comes in.  I know for myself, I can tend to be a pushover and tend to not say everything that I'm feeling in fear of hurting someone's feelings or making someone mad.  Don't be afraid to spark those controversial conversations.  You learn a lot about a person by the way they handle an argument.  Bravery has more to do with doing things you don't want to do and things that make you uncomfortable.  Find strength to step outside your comfort zone for people.  You'd be surprised at what you learn.

Well, thank you all for listening, reading, whatever.  You don't have to believe what I write or agree with me, that's fine you're entitled to your opinion.  But these are things I have found to be so helpful and so true of my dating life and relationships for me.  Hopefully I can give someone out there hope knowing that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.  Until I get some more inspiration, giving God all the glory!

"The day before something is a breakthrough, it's a crazy idea."

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Stylin' and Profilin'

I'm back again! Not even a week into this and I'm already ready to grace you with my words again. This post is going to be something that is a bit out of the norm for me.  I'm going to talk today about style, YES style.  Which if you know me, this is super ironic.  As I was sitting on the couch at the house I nanny at I was watching an episode of TLC's What Not To Wear which has been my guilty pleasure since its existence.  And yes, it devastates me that they no longer make new episodes and seasons.  I'll occasionally watch Stacey London's new show Love, Lust or Run but it just doesn't fill the void in my heart without Clinton Kelley.

Anyway, I was inspired to write this post watching this show for the millionth time.  I would have been their ideal candidate for this show.  Style is something that even I, as a 23 almost 24-year-old STILL struggle with.  Most everyone I know sticks to a certain style even if it doesn't have a label.  Classy, modest, boho, preppy, etc....If I could put a label on my style it would be....HOT. MESS. Or homeless chic would also probably fit.  But really, I love clothes and I have too many but every day I will literally  have a decent outfit picked out and then opt out for sweats and a hoodie.  I do not understand how some of you people, even just to run errands, look like you could just slip on a pair of heels and be ready for a night out.  I try to blame it on the fact that I'm a nanny and I don't have to be in public if I don't want to and even when I do leave the house I don't get out of the car. But in all reality, I will always opt for the most comfortable choice.

What does this have to do with finding myself? Funny you ask! I've been trying lately to pin point my style.  But I find it super difficult when I look at what I have in my closet.  Is it acceptable to have an eclectic style?  I tried to say for awhile there that I was a kind of mix of hippie/bohemian/country/vintage style.  But then I look at my fleece Columbia vest and my Ralph Lauren v-necks and think to myself, do I really dress that preppy?  Style is so confusing to me and my tastes change like the wind.  I couldn't tell you what my favorite store is to save my life.  I guess I'm coming more and more to the realization that you don't have to have a certain style.  I can be preppy, or hippie, or classy one day and country or vintage or whatever the next.  I find it crazy to get so invested in one way of looking at your body and what it looks like in one certain type of clothing.  The last episode of What Not To Wear I watched, the candidate was 80s pop princess Tiffany.  She pinned herself with the hippie style because she felt like she could hide her body better.  So maybe I need to just embrace the fact that I like EVERYTHING!

Another problem I face with style, is the fact that I like some things also that may be more eccentric.  I would do anything to have a crazy hair color but still be able to rock it in normal clothing.  Sadly my pasty white skin only allows me to pull off any variation of blonde without looking like Casper.  Also, having my degree in teaching, I have to get used to having a professional look. OH MY GOSH I STRUGGLE WITH THIS SOOO BAD!  I find myself throwing random clothes on my body in hopes that it looks good together to only be uncomfortable and pulling on my clothes all day long.

Don't even get me started on the fact that half the time if I think something looks good, most of the time it doesn't look as good as I thought.  All in all style is FRUSTRATING.  I'm trying my dang hardest to embrace the fact that no, I don't have a particular style.  Yes my outfit choices may give you whiplash.  But what I can use my eclectic clothes style for is to learn to love the body I am given.  Body image has been a struggle my entire life and probably will continue to be a struggle.  But I think I finally understand why some people do put such an emphasis on clothes.  It gives them a sense of identity, and a reason to love their body.  My goal after writing this post is to try and put more of an emphasis on taking care of myself and my body image.  Even if that means I feel hot in my sweats and sweatshirt :)

P.S. - I bought myself a guitar this week.  But that's for a later time!

Until I find some inspiration again, to God be allll the glory! Thanks for reading!

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, conduct, love faith and purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Sunday, March 1, 2015

What Even Is This?!

Well, as most of you can probably tell from the title of this post, this is my first ever attempt at a blog.  I feel like this question sums up a lot of what I'm going through and have been going through since I started college.

But, let me back up.  Most of you who are reading this probably already know me.  But if by some off chance somebody who doesn't know a lot about me reads this, this is me.  I'm a 23 year-old recent college graduate.  I attended Eastern Kentucky University and have my bachelors degree in Middle Grades Education with an emphasis in Science and Social Studies.  I'm also an emotional train wreck who wears her heart on her sleeve.  Sometimes, knowing me can be a roller coaster and I think that'll be self evident after awhile.

To get into the deeper stuff, I suffer from Vaso Vagal Syncope.  In non-medical terms it basically means that I suffer from panic attacks that cause physical symptoms such as lightheadedness, shortness of breath, numbness, etc.  I can suffer from panic attacks without any rhyme or reason.  A lot of people probably suffer from similar but I also have heightened anxiety on top of that...don't get me wrong though I function like a normal human being (most of the time).  Because of alllllll of that, I am not very good at coping with stress. At. All.  Which is why I am where I am.

So, why am I writing this blog? What even is this?! I am going through an extremely weird phase in my life right now.  I've graduated college, but I don't have what I call a "big kid" job yet.  I currently work as a nanny. I live with my parents again after living on my own for 5 years. But being where I am it is having me question a lot of what I thought I knew about myself.  To most people, self discovery is this amazing fantastical thing.  I think it is sort of idolized as this journey you take and you have all these epitomes and wonderful ideas you act on. For me it is a LIVING NIGHTMARE.  Figuring out who I am and what I want has sent my stress and anxiety levels through the roof.  I often find myself crying, for no reason, over things I have no control over.  Its like a switch goes off in my head where I feel the need to cry.  Don't get me wrong, the last thing that I want is a pity party.  But everyone reacts to certain situations differently and my reaction cry.  So to make this a little more simple, I am HORRIBLE at coping with situations.  I'm hoping to find release in this blog, some way of coping what I'm going through.  If I can at least pretend like people are actually reading this and what I have to say is meaningful, then it may make me feel somewhat better.

As for the name of this whole blog, The Quarter-Life Crisis Queen, I guess I can explain.  Quarter-Life Crisis is what I've sort of penned as my self discovery phase.  Lately I have been experiencing wanting something new or some change in my life.  I have an extreme case of wanderlust, but I also have a mental break down every other week.  I'm toying with whats practical and what I want.  Right now I want to experience all I can while I'm young and have the opportunity, resources and time to do it.  But I'm also faced with the fact that I'm not getting any younger and I'm not in college and its more practical that I should be looking for a permanent career.  As an attempt at finding new things I enjoy I'm trying to pick up new hobbies, such as this blog.  I'm also going to start learning to play the guitar (which will be a wholeee different post).

So hopefully I've bored you long enough. Or hopefully I've captured someone's attention enough to keep them reading.  But you'll hear from me again! Until then, all the glory to God!!!

"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down"  Nehemiah 6:3