Sunday, March 1, 2015

What Even Is This?!

Well, as most of you can probably tell from the title of this post, this is my first ever attempt at a blog.  I feel like this question sums up a lot of what I'm going through and have been going through since I started college.

But, let me back up.  Most of you who are reading this probably already know me.  But if by some off chance somebody who doesn't know a lot about me reads this, this is me.  I'm a 23 year-old recent college graduate.  I attended Eastern Kentucky University and have my bachelors degree in Middle Grades Education with an emphasis in Science and Social Studies.  I'm also an emotional train wreck who wears her heart on her sleeve.  Sometimes, knowing me can be a roller coaster and I think that'll be self evident after awhile.

To get into the deeper stuff, I suffer from Vaso Vagal Syncope.  In non-medical terms it basically means that I suffer from panic attacks that cause physical symptoms such as lightheadedness, shortness of breath, numbness, etc.  I can suffer from panic attacks without any rhyme or reason.  A lot of people probably suffer from similar but I also have heightened anxiety on top of that...don't get me wrong though I function like a normal human being (most of the time).  Because of alllllll of that, I am not very good at coping with stress. At. All.  Which is why I am where I am.

So, why am I writing this blog? What even is this?! I am going through an extremely weird phase in my life right now.  I've graduated college, but I don't have what I call a "big kid" job yet.  I currently work as a nanny. I live with my parents again after living on my own for 5 years. But being where I am it is having me question a lot of what I thought I knew about myself.  To most people, self discovery is this amazing fantastical thing.  I think it is sort of idolized as this journey you take and you have all these epitomes and wonderful ideas you act on. For me it is a LIVING NIGHTMARE.  Figuring out who I am and what I want has sent my stress and anxiety levels through the roof.  I often find myself crying, for no reason, over things I have no control over.  Its like a switch goes off in my head where I feel the need to cry.  Don't get me wrong, the last thing that I want is a pity party.  But everyone reacts to certain situations differently and my reaction cry.  So to make this a little more simple, I am HORRIBLE at coping with situations.  I'm hoping to find release in this blog, some way of coping what I'm going through.  If I can at least pretend like people are actually reading this and what I have to say is meaningful, then it may make me feel somewhat better.

As for the name of this whole blog, The Quarter-Life Crisis Queen, I guess I can explain.  Quarter-Life Crisis is what I've sort of penned as my self discovery phase.  Lately I have been experiencing wanting something new or some change in my life.  I have an extreme case of wanderlust, but I also have a mental break down every other week.  I'm toying with whats practical and what I want.  Right now I want to experience all I can while I'm young and have the opportunity, resources and time to do it.  But I'm also faced with the fact that I'm not getting any younger and I'm not in college and its more practical that I should be looking for a permanent career.  As an attempt at finding new things I enjoy I'm trying to pick up new hobbies, such as this blog.  I'm also going to start learning to play the guitar (which will be a wholeee different post).

So hopefully I've bored you long enough. Or hopefully I've captured someone's attention enough to keep them reading.  But you'll hear from me again! Until then, all the glory to God!!!

"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down"  Nehemiah 6:3

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