Sunday, April 19, 2015

Relationships. Boy oh boy.

Wow, so it's been awhile since I've posted but my life has been pretty crazy.  This time I wanna talk about something that most girls my age struggle with, relationships and dating.  Yes, I am about to get my Carrie Bradshaw on.  Twenty somethings enter an awkward stage of life, I would say throughout your entire twenties.  We are constantly seeing more and more of our friends get married, get engaged, have babies.  A lot of people are quick to jump on the, oh poor me bandwagon.  Some of us come to resent people because of their happiness.  And all these emotions are completely understandable.  However, what I've come to learn over the last couple months is NEVER SETTLE.

This post can go for both guys and girls.  I'm definitely not here to man bash but I definitely think females react more strongly to seeing their friends settle down.  Not saying guys don't, because if they do they definitely are less vocal about it whether it be on the computer screen or behind it.  

I think a lot of us struggle with what we really truly want.  We're constantly in this battle between I want to find the man of my dreams and I enjoy being single.  This is something I have really been struggling with but I've been struggling with what I want out of a relationship.  As most of you know I had been sort of dating someone for almost a year, and as of now we have decided to break things off.  This person was not a bad guy in any sense at all, however, I wanted a serious relationship and he did not.  So we were mature adults about it and went our separate ways. Now if you know me typically I would be an absolute wreck and probably do things that would make some people question my sanity....okay maybe I'm not that bad but I'm usually someone who doesn't like to give up on things.  But I have been strangely at peace about this and it has me thinking about how much I have changed and how much I've learned.  So to get my point across I want people to remember a few things as we go through this strange dating phase:

1. First and foremost like I said don't settle.
Sure, the person you're dating now may be good to you and you may really like them.  Or you may not think you can do any better and you stay with them regardless of how they treat you. Here is my advice, don't.  Don't stay.  Don't lower your standards for anyone and for any reason.  The minute I decided that I wasn't going to make exceptions for people I was so much happier with my decisions and myself.  You should always be with someone who treats you the way you deserve.

2. Don't ever regret dating someone.
This is something that I say about a lot of things besides just dating.  I love the saying everything and anyone that comes into your life is a lesson or a blessing.  I truly believe that, even the no good rotten guys.  You can learn a lesson from that guy that cheated on you for the longest time, you start to figure out what you will and won't put up with.  Self-discovery is what your twenties are all about and those dating mistakes/accomplishments teach you more about yourself than you realize.  My best advice is to take a step back and look at things in hindsight.  It's amazing how many things you will look back on and realized how ridiculous or crazy they were.

3. Try not to build up a wall.
This is probably the hardest for some people.  I know that I am not guilty of this, I have a pretty open heart and I've never been afraid to let someone in and love with all I have.  But some of my best friends are people I've seen struggle with this.  It's hard to not be afraid to get hurt again but that is part of the very essence of being with someone.  You are vulnerable with them and its hard to trust someone with that vulnerability.  I always tell people, "nothing will ever work out until you meet the person you are going to be with the rest of your life."  Think about how much truth is in that statement.  If you are not willing to ever take that risk then how will you ever find that person of your dreams? Don't be afraid to fall, as cliche as that sounds.  If you fall, either the right person will be there to catch you or you'll fall and get some bruises.  But then you get back up and get back in the saddle.  

4. Have faith.
Regardless of what you believe in, faith is something that is definitely needed when concerning relationships/dating.  Whether you believe in Karma, are Christian, are Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc.  If you think about it every way of life agrees that timing when it comes to relationships is key.  So for example, I'll speak from experience.  As a Christ Follower, I believe that God has someone special and perfect for me and that I trust in his timing.  I believe in the saying, "dance with God and he will let he perfect man cut in."  I have realized more and more how important it is that I have someone who aligns somewhat in my beliefs on this.  I want my relationship with God to grow because I'm with someone, not someone who is going to draw me away from that.  Having faith is so important for me to find someone like that.  Now I'm not saying you can't be with someone of a different faith BUT it is important that that someone is supportive of your beliefs even if they are different.  Don't let some compromise your faith because they aren't supportive.

5. Be STRONG and be BRAVE
Relationships call us to do things that seem scary.  That's where bravery comes in.  I know for myself, I can tend to be a pushover and tend to not say everything that I'm feeling in fear of hurting someone's feelings or making someone mad.  Don't be afraid to spark those controversial conversations.  You learn a lot about a person by the way they handle an argument.  Bravery has more to do with doing things you don't want to do and things that make you uncomfortable.  Find strength to step outside your comfort zone for people.  You'd be surprised at what you learn.

Well, thank you all for listening, reading, whatever.  You don't have to believe what I write or agree with me, that's fine you're entitled to your opinion.  But these are things I have found to be so helpful and so true of my dating life and relationships for me.  Hopefully I can give someone out there hope knowing that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.  Until I get some more inspiration, giving God all the glory!

"The day before something is a breakthrough, it's a crazy idea."

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