Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Stylin' and Profilin'

I'm back again! Not even a week into this and I'm already ready to grace you with my words again. This post is going to be something that is a bit out of the norm for me.  I'm going to talk today about style, YES style.  Which if you know me, this is super ironic.  As I was sitting on the couch at the house I nanny at I was watching an episode of TLC's What Not To Wear which has been my guilty pleasure since its existence.  And yes, it devastates me that they no longer make new episodes and seasons.  I'll occasionally watch Stacey London's new show Love, Lust or Run but it just doesn't fill the void in my heart without Clinton Kelley.

Anyway, I was inspired to write this post watching this show for the millionth time.  I would have been their ideal candidate for this show.  Style is something that even I, as a 23 almost 24-year-old STILL struggle with.  Most everyone I know sticks to a certain style even if it doesn't have a label.  Classy, modest, boho, preppy, etc....If I could put a label on my style it would be....HOT. MESS. Or homeless chic would also probably fit.  But really, I love clothes and I have too many but every day I will literally  have a decent outfit picked out and then opt out for sweats and a hoodie.  I do not understand how some of you people, even just to run errands, look like you could just slip on a pair of heels and be ready for a night out.  I try to blame it on the fact that I'm a nanny and I don't have to be in public if I don't want to and even when I do leave the house I don't get out of the car. But in all reality, I will always opt for the most comfortable choice.

What does this have to do with finding myself? Funny you ask! I've been trying lately to pin point my style.  But I find it super difficult when I look at what I have in my closet.  Is it acceptable to have an eclectic style?  I tried to say for awhile there that I was a kind of mix of hippie/bohemian/country/vintage style.  But then I look at my fleece Columbia vest and my Ralph Lauren v-necks and think to myself, do I really dress that preppy?  Style is so confusing to me and my tastes change like the wind.  I couldn't tell you what my favorite store is to save my life.  I guess I'm coming more and more to the realization that you don't have to have a certain style.  I can be preppy, or hippie, or classy one day and country or vintage or whatever the next.  I find it crazy to get so invested in one way of looking at your body and what it looks like in one certain type of clothing.  The last episode of What Not To Wear I watched, the candidate was 80s pop princess Tiffany.  She pinned herself with the hippie style because she felt like she could hide her body better.  So maybe I need to just embrace the fact that I like EVERYTHING!

Another problem I face with style, is the fact that I like some things also that may be more eccentric.  I would do anything to have a crazy hair color but still be able to rock it in normal clothing.  Sadly my pasty white skin only allows me to pull off any variation of blonde without looking like Casper.  Also, having my degree in teaching, I have to get used to having a professional look. OH MY GOSH I STRUGGLE WITH THIS SOOO BAD!  I find myself throwing random clothes on my body in hopes that it looks good together to only be uncomfortable and pulling on my clothes all day long.

Don't even get me started on the fact that half the time if I think something looks good, most of the time it doesn't look as good as I thought.  All in all style is FRUSTRATING.  I'm trying my dang hardest to embrace the fact that no, I don't have a particular style.  Yes my outfit choices may give you whiplash.  But what I can use my eclectic clothes style for is to learn to love the body I am given.  Body image has been a struggle my entire life and probably will continue to be a struggle.  But I think I finally understand why some people do put such an emphasis on clothes.  It gives them a sense of identity, and a reason to love their body.  My goal after writing this post is to try and put more of an emphasis on taking care of myself and my body image.  Even if that means I feel hot in my sweats and sweatshirt :)

P.S. - I bought myself a guitar this week.  But that's for a later time!

Until I find some inspiration again, to God be allll the glory! Thanks for reading!

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, conduct, love faith and purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Sunday, March 1, 2015

What Even Is This?!

Well, as most of you can probably tell from the title of this post, this is my first ever attempt at a blog.  I feel like this question sums up a lot of what I'm going through and have been going through since I started college.

But, let me back up.  Most of you who are reading this probably already know me.  But if by some off chance somebody who doesn't know a lot about me reads this, this is me.  I'm a 23 year-old recent college graduate.  I attended Eastern Kentucky University and have my bachelors degree in Middle Grades Education with an emphasis in Science and Social Studies.  I'm also an emotional train wreck who wears her heart on her sleeve.  Sometimes, knowing me can be a roller coaster and I think that'll be self evident after awhile.

To get into the deeper stuff, I suffer from Vaso Vagal Syncope.  In non-medical terms it basically means that I suffer from panic attacks that cause physical symptoms such as lightheadedness, shortness of breath, numbness, etc.  I can suffer from panic attacks without any rhyme or reason.  A lot of people probably suffer from similar but I also have heightened anxiety on top of that...don't get me wrong though I function like a normal human being (most of the time).  Because of alllllll of that, I am not very good at coping with stress. At. All.  Which is why I am where I am.

So, why am I writing this blog? What even is this?! I am going through an extremely weird phase in my life right now.  I've graduated college, but I don't have what I call a "big kid" job yet.  I currently work as a nanny. I live with my parents again after living on my own for 5 years. But being where I am it is having me question a lot of what I thought I knew about myself.  To most people, self discovery is this amazing fantastical thing.  I think it is sort of idolized as this journey you take and you have all these epitomes and wonderful ideas you act on. For me it is a LIVING NIGHTMARE.  Figuring out who I am and what I want has sent my stress and anxiety levels through the roof.  I often find myself crying, for no reason, over things I have no control over.  Its like a switch goes off in my head where I feel the need to cry.  Don't get me wrong, the last thing that I want is a pity party.  But everyone reacts to certain situations differently and my reaction cry.  So to make this a little more simple, I am HORRIBLE at coping with situations.  I'm hoping to find release in this blog, some way of coping what I'm going through.  If I can at least pretend like people are actually reading this and what I have to say is meaningful, then it may make me feel somewhat better.

As for the name of this whole blog, The Quarter-Life Crisis Queen, I guess I can explain.  Quarter-Life Crisis is what I've sort of penned as my self discovery phase.  Lately I have been experiencing wanting something new or some change in my life.  I have an extreme case of wanderlust, but I also have a mental break down every other week.  I'm toying with whats practical and what I want.  Right now I want to experience all I can while I'm young and have the opportunity, resources and time to do it.  But I'm also faced with the fact that I'm not getting any younger and I'm not in college and its more practical that I should be looking for a permanent career.  As an attempt at finding new things I enjoy I'm trying to pick up new hobbies, such as this blog.  I'm also going to start learning to play the guitar (which will be a wholeee different post).

So hopefully I've bored you long enough. Or hopefully I've captured someone's attention enough to keep them reading.  But you'll hear from me again! Until then, all the glory to God!!!

"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down"  Nehemiah 6:3